Christmas thoughts (a few weeks late)

An important part of surviving the type of life I find myself in is gaining
the ability to have gladness in the daily successes and constant joys, while
being surrounded by seemingly hopeless images and suffocating scenes of
despair. I must learn to celebrate with little boys who have been given
hope, to sing and dance with joy, as they do, all the while knowing that
outside the gate is the dirty 9-year-old refugee girl with yellow hair from
malnutrition, living in a tent because her house was torn down, who can't go
to school because she has to care for her younger siblings while her mother
sells tea in the market. It's a hard line to follow, to laugh and smile in
the presence of certain children, to truly experience their joy, and then
later to cry and curse in frustration of my own limitations to help others.
I don't wish to dampen your Christmas spirit with these thoughts, but rather
to help you understand what the reality of my life is. I also write to say
that despite the unrelenting scenes poverty that fill my every day, joy and
happiness were in abundance for me this Christmas season. I celebrated this
Christmas at a children's home located in a refugee camp. I spent that
night sleeping outside, surrounded by boys who have been given a chance, a
chance to receive food, an education, love, and truth. I managed to put
aside what was happening outside the walls of the compound and be joyful
that at least these 15 boys had a happy Christmas and were sleeping soundly,
with full bellies, dreaming of how to play with the few new toys we were
able to purchase. Happy, smiling kids on Christmas is always beautiful and
joyful and I was blessed to experience it in full this year.


Ps. I almost forgot to mention that I am temporarily (hopefully) leaving
Sudan in a few days. My current visa is expiring, so I must leave the
country while I wait on the new one to come. I will fly to Kenya on the
30th , where I will spend 2 weeks helping out in the Kids Alive programs
there. After this, I will visit our one program in South Sudan (it operates
on a different visa system). The current plan is to stay in South Sudan
until my new visa for the north comes through, which could take a few weeks,
or a few months.